It’s just recently that I knew that normally people interact with each other without any intention. And in this matter, I kind of lost.
So long that I live this way: I won’t call other people unless I have something of important with them and only them can help. Why I do that? because if I keep calling them when I don’t really need them, I’m afraid I will be nuisance for them and they’ll hate me for disturbing them for not so important matters. that;s why I always keep distance of myself from others. I simply don’t want to disturb them.
But then someone told me, don’t just interact with people when you need them.
And I was confused.
This pattern of social behaviour is weird for me. So am I supposed to disturb people so I’m not be labelled as ‘only came when in need,’ friend? I always keep my self not to disturb other people, then somehow they actually want to be disturbed with matters that they don’t really have importance or interest of? You kidding, right?
And I’m not acting this way because I’m just using my friends, I’m respecting them for who they are and what they’re capable of. Actually I was trying to imply that by asking them, it means he/she’s the only one who can help me with their ability. and that’s what I mean by appreciations.
But no, the sociaty demands, you cannot just do that, Ina. you should interact more, like talking about life and stuff.
So, I’m an introvert. One cannot expect me to just blurt out anything about my life to just anyone.
There’s so much defense come from me till I realize…
Hey, I do talk to people.
Kind of talk that doesn’t involve any requests for them from me.
but when did that happened? Why I myself didn’t eve realize it?
I kept thinking, until I found the truth:
I talk stuffs that interesting for me.
unfortunately, people hardly understand what I said, because things that interesting for me rarely interesting for them.
his makes me draw myself and started to be a quiet person. makes me rarely speak. And it’s bad for my image, because apparently, I’m acting like, opportunist person to friends.
The solution: create some chit chats with friends, about whatever, evenit’s not interesting for me, I could always just pretend that it is. But that’s really a problem, to pretend to be someone you not.
I should admit that normal people with normal interest won’t act like me, because they naturally could talk and connected with people. And unlike me because I have this very specific interest to other things, it makes me hard to connect with the others and finally become like this.
To choose faking myself is the worst choice I have ever made, and I’m still trying to figure out how to fit in this society. I hope later I could bring myself to be able to talk naturally with people, without pretending to be someone I’m not.